


can't help it (oh no)

by dayevsphil



Series: "clumsy" series [3]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Actor Dan Howell, Alternate Universe, Dogs, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, YouTuber Phil Lester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:53:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24370870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dayevsphil/pseuds/dayevsphil
Summary: "Do you think Thor needs a friend?"
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: "clumsy" series [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1757284
Comments: 19
Kudos: 134





	can't help it (oh no)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jestbee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jestbee/gifts).



> for jane ♥ i loved writing this for you, pal, and you've been a dream to work with! thank you for the prompt, i hope that you like what i did with it :')

Dan is enjoying the rare warmth of late spring on their small balcony, mimosa in hand, while he catches up with some of the interviews and guest spots he's done. Things have been a lot less structured since he left Heatwave, but that hasn't stopped people from reaching out and asking him to be on their podcast. Dan especially likes the ones where he's not answering questions, usually comedy podcasts that just use him as an extra vessel for jokes. He's in the middle of one of those when a ball of fluff barrels into his lap.

"Well, hello," he laughs, pulling off his headphones. Thor wiggles around on Dan's thighs before giving him an attack of tiny kisses. "Stop, stop, I surrender!"

"I all but ran with him around the dog park," Phil says, leaning out their open balcony door with an indulgent sort of smile. Dan still hasn't gotten used to how unbelievably lucky he is to have this small family, even all these months later. "But he's still so fucking energetic. I swear, this is your fault."

"My fault? For enjoying a jog with my stepson every now and then?" 

Dan giggles when Thor licks the inside of his ear. He tries to calm the dog down with slow pats, but Phil is right. Thor is in the sort of mood where he wants to be tired out, wants to play and run and bite at Dan's nose, and Dan is a little too comfortable right now to go for a run and get all that energy out with him. He looks back at Phil, who is either busy taking photos of the two of them or just checking his mussed hair in his front camera.

"Yeah, exactly," says Phil. He's trying so hard to sound annoyed, but he can't fool Dan. The fondness is dripping off him in waves. "Honestly, the only time he actually tuckers himself out anymore is when we bring him to your mum's."

There's probably a few reasons for that. Dan is fairly sure that his brother runs both dogs to the point of passing out whenever he takes them out, for one thing, because he's _tried_ running with Adrian. It isn't exactly the walk in the park that Thor usually gets from the lazy idiots he lives with.

Still, it gives Dan an opening that he's been waiting for. He kisses Thor's soft ears and casually says, "Maybe it's because he likes playing with Colin."

"Do you think Thor needs a friend?" 

Phil is grinning, and Dan knows that he's grinning right back.

\--

The local shelters and rescues are all bookmarked on their phones now, and it's become a routine for Phil to send Dan links to any and all dogs that he finds cute.

Obviously, all of the dogs are cute. Neither of them are prejudiced against different breeds or anything. The problem is, Phil doesn't seem to read past the name, _maybe_ the age, because he keeps sending links to dogs that can't live in the city and don't get along with other dogs. Dan has taken point on being the voice of reason in this household, and he doesn't think it suits him very much.

Phil sends him a dog with the caption **he's you!** , and Dan is ready to dismiss it as an option before he even clicks the link. Then he actually reads George's page and sighs. A bit lazy, gluttonous, and weird-looking, but he _does_ tick all their boxes. Dan sends Phil a middle finger emoji before putting in a request to meet with the dog.

\--

"He's so big!" Phil exclaims, seeming thrilled about this turn of events. He crouches down and lets George sniff his hand with a huge smile on his face.

"Well, yeah," says Dan. He rolls his eyes even though Phil isn't paying any attention to him. He's pretty sure that George's legs are so long that Thor would be able to use him as a shelter in the rain, but he's been assured that George is happy in apartments. "How big did you think greyhounds were?"

"I thought they were like," Phil hums, "Kermit-sized."

"Kermit is an Italian greyhound. George is a regular one, like Lemon was."

Phil shakes his head and scratches behind George's ears. "Whatever, I just didn't realise there was that big of a difference."

"Is it a problem?" Dan asks, trying to keep his tone light. Phil has been taking care of Thor a lot longer than Dan has, and he knows better how Thor feels about different types of dogs, so if Phil thinks that George the greyhound is too big then they'll just have to keep looking.

George the greyhound is currently trying to climb into Phil's lap despite his size, and everybody in the room starts laughing at the way their gangly limbs are all tangling together. Phil gives the dog a soppy sort of look before he shrugs up at Dan. "I don't think so, but we should introduce them before we commit. Thor's opinion matters, you know."

"Of course it does." Dan is trying very, very hard not to get his hopes up.

\--

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Thor takes to George like a duck takes to water. They chase each other around the room for a little bit, and Thor seems excited by the possibility of winding himself through George's long legs the way he does to Dan and Phil. Unlike Dan and Phil, though, George doesn't seem to trip over him. Phil has gotten his adult brain on for the day, and he's been in charge of asking the rescue volunteers every question about George and care for greyhounds that he could compile from a Google search in the taxi. Dan has been busy taking photos and videos now that he's certain the dogs are getting along, because he trusts Phil to pay attention to the important stuff for both of them right now. 

\--

There are a lot of adjustments to make once they bring George home. Thor tends to graze at his food all day, but George is a fucking Hoover of a dog, and they have to try and train both of them out of their habits before the food turns into a fight. George isn't quite as energetic as Thor, and he has to be gently encouraged to go play with other dogs at the park, but he likes his walks longer than Thor does.

George is six years old, which is both good and bad for them. He's already been trained, retired as a racing dog as he is, but it also means that he's more set in his ways than a younger dog would be. Thor isn't very far out of being a puppy, which would be helpful if he weren't as stubborn as his dad.

It's a balancing act. Dan is grateful that he's not currently filming something and that Phil mostly works from home, because for the first few weeks the dogs require near constant surveillance to make sure they're still getting along. Sure, it's a lot of work and a bit stressful to be changing adult dogs' routines in order for harmonic cohabitation, but it's more than worth it. Every time Dan wakes up in the middle of the night - or, yeah, hasn't gone to sleep yet - and sees the dogs curled around each other on the sofa, he's reminded all over again why they're doing this.

\--

"What's he like, love?"

The slow, difficult process of mending his relationship with his mum has been mostly rewarding, but Dan hasn't stopped being a little annoyed by how distracted she always sounds when they're on the phone. He supposes that he can't really talk, as he's playing tug of war with Thor right now, but it's the principle of the thing. He glances over at the sofa, making sure that George is still happily 'watching' the reality shows that Dan only gets to put on when Phil isn't home. 

"He's great," Dan says honestly. He knows that he's smiling like an idiot and that his mum can definitely tell, but he can't help himself. He's happy. "It's been a fuckton of work, but George is a good boy."

George looks over at Dan when he hears his name, tail whapping against the sofa.

"I'm glad," his mum says. She sounds less far away, like maybe she's zoned back into the conversation she'd been on autopilot for. "And he likes other dogs?"

"Yep, he'll absolutely love Colin."

"Good. What day did you want us to come for dinner, again?"

"The fifth," Dan says, as patient as he knows how to be with her. "I've already emailed you and grandma the details, mum."

Thor wins the tug of war and runs over to show George his victory rope. George sniffs it and then puts his head back down on the sofa to watch housewives argue. In Dan's ear, his mum is agreeing in that frazzled way she has, but the irritation from it is gone. It's hard to feel anything but contentment in this moment.

\--

There's music playing at a low enough volume that George's soft whining is still notable. Dan angles his hip so that he can push George's nose away from the hob.

"No," he says, "not for puppies."

"Our fault for getting a dog that can reach the counter without even jumping," Phil points out. He's allegedly setting the coffee table with their dinner utensils, but Dan can hear him cooing something at Thor. He bets that Phil has already given up completely.

"I can't believe he can and will just snatch an entire pancake from me," says Dan, biting down on his grin when he feels George's pointy face nudge him to try and make him move. "No, Georgie. Stop it."

George stops for all of three seconds before his nose appears at Dan's other side, goofy eyes wide and focused on the batter that Dan is trying his best to shape. He'd been toying with the concept of pancakes that aren't just circles, but it turns out that it's nearly impossible to do something so intermediately difficult when he's got a _very_ determined food-hound at his feet.

"He's like a horse," Phil says fondly.

"I don't believe you've ever seen a horse."

"Like, a small one."

Dan laughs. "Whatever. Come get your whiny son."

"He's your son when he's in the kitchen," says Phil, and Dan can only imagine the stupid grin on his face. He isn't dumb enough to take his eyes off his pan for a second to make sure, though. "We made a chart and everything."

With a longsuffering sort of sigh, Dan knocks George lightly away with his shin. He has to keep doing that while he gets their pancakes on plates and brings them to the sofa, where Phil has Masterchef paused and a much better behaved dog in his lap. Phil ushers them both onto the floor out of fairness' sake, and presses a smacking kiss to Dan's cheek. Dan holds Phil's plate above their heads so George doesn't get any smart ideas as he kisses Phil properly. 

Making and eating dinner is certainly an affair these days, but Dan wouldn't trade it for the world.

**Author's Note:**

> another huge thank you to jane, and thank you to andrea and chicken for helping me every step of the way on this! love you!
> 
> note: george is based on a dog currently reserved on the battersea website and i love him
> 
> reblog on tumblr [here!](https://dayevsphil.tumblr.com/post/619092125664018432/cant-help-it-oh-no)


End file.
